MotherDaughterDisagreeingAre there people you love who don’t understand the holistic pain relief choices you make? You’re not alone! The choices you make might be:

  • Medical or alternative treatments
  • Food-related changes, exclusions, or focus
  • How you spend your time
  • How you spend your money
  • Anything you do that impacts someone else

The people in your life may want you to feel better. They may even feel sad that you hurt a lot. But, they don’t always support you (and your choices) quite the way you’d like to be supported.

Let’s face it: Their words and actions are a type of sabotage, although I sometimes call it loving sabotage. What do you do then?

I recently saw this exchange between a mother and daughter on Facebook. It was such a perfect example of loving sabotage that I saved it to share with you!

Mother:          You are going to have to endure a B-I-G cheat on Friday.

Daughter:       Nope. I will bring myself stuff I can eat if I need. LOL

Mother:          Oh I wish you wouldn’t do that. Surely you can allow yourself to enjoy what I’m offering. You’ll live through it.

This daughter didn’t respond back to her mother. Would it have been hard for you to respond too? I’m sure she didn’t want to hurt her mother’s feelings. And I can also imagine that the mother may not have realized how she might’ve hurt her daughter’s feelings.

At what point is any particular food, no matter the love it was prepared with, worth additional pain the next day? Would the mother have asked a recovering addict to have a beer, just because she’d brewed it that day at home? Of course not.

These sabotaging people do love you; they just don’t understand what living with chronic pain is really like.

I’m not suggesting you yell and scream at people who try to sabotage your holistic pain relief efforts. But I do encourage you to gracefully stand firm in what you know helps you.

You may want to develop a “standard” answer that helps in most of these situations. For example you might say:

“I know how much you love me, and I appreciate that you want to give me this food tonight. And I love you too. But, I’m also working hard to feel better so we can spend more time together. For me, this means avoiding foods that increase my pain. The less pain I feel, the more energy I have, and I hope that means we can enjoy life together more! Would you please support me in this?”

You might go simple and direct instead:

“Thanks for your offer of _____ [fill in the food]. I know it’s always been one of my favorites, but I pay too big of a price in pain tomorrow. I’d love to share it with my __________ [insert family or friend’s name here] instead.”

I know you’ll find your own words. Remember you’re not alone. Lots of people living with chronic pain run into this exact situation. So, reach out to your network (including in the comments below) and see what ideas they’ve tried as well.


Do you just wish you could find a set of realistic, holistic tools you can put in practice that will minimize your pain and maximize your energy? Download my free PDF report to learn 17 EASY WAYS TO START MINIMIZING PAIN TODAY!